


Why Me?

by AllenWalker



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Boys Kissing, Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hugging, Hurt/Comfort, I haven't written in like three months so here, I write too much angst, Lavi x Allen, M/M, Romance, Slight anger, laven, sinning is winning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 09:03:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6323299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllenWalker/pseuds/AllenWalker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Allen was once again being haunted by his nightmares. They were always present, ready to remind him of his horrible past. What should he do to stop it? Was there any way to be comfortable with nights like this? And more important, how would Allen keep this a secret from his lover, Lavi?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Me?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I've finally risen from my slumber- I'm sorry for not having written that much lately, I've been quite busy. This is just one another angsty fanfic, please enjoy yourselves~
> 
> I will probably start writing about other ships after this fanfiction, so if you have any preferences, please let me know.  
> (The choices will most likely be Nezushi, Kuroken, Iwaoi, Kagehina or Yatone.)
> 
> Also, comments on typos, grammar mistakes or other feedback are always welcome.
> 
> Thanks for reading this, enjoy!

It was just another stressful night at a certain boy's room. The rain was clattering outside, the wind smashing against the small window present in his room. The weather at that moment wasn't exactly helping him. The boy, Allen Walker, was quietly sobbing in his bed, curled up with the soft sheets. He had his face pressed in his pillow, mumbling insults to himself from time to time. He felt _small, miserable, hopeless,_ and well- what not? The white-haired teen couldn't stop these thoughts emitting from his past. How weak he felt couldn't be described in words. Yet, the biggest question of all, was  _''why me_ _?_ _''_

Nights like this felt like centuries to Allen. He knew he needed help, but what loser would wake someone up in the middle of the night, crying like a weak child? No. He was keeping this to himself only. No one needed to know how tragic his past was, and no one needed to help him. Maybe he deserved it. But, was that really true? Wouldn't his new lover, Lavi be ready to help..? Allen let out a deep sigh. He would maybe give it a try later, but not now.

In the morning, Allen felt horrible. Deep blue bags were under his silver eyes from the lack of sleep these days. He let out a deep sigh when he walked into the local bathroom of the Black Order, not minding to try and hide it. He started his usual morning errands. Dressing properly, fixing his messy white hair, brushing his teeth, eating breakfast, but one thing was missing. The boy always woke Lavi every morning. He would give a small kiss to his forehead after waking him with a smile. But he didn't feel like it today.

Allen was sitting at the cafeteria, eating a relatively small meal for his doing. Lavi had woken late without Allen waking him, and was now hastily running towards the white-haired boy. As soon as he arrived, the redhead showed his usual bright grin at Allen, who forced himself a small smile.

''Allen~! Why didn't you wake me? Whoa, man, you look tired! Why are you eating so little, too?'' The overload of questions made Allen sigh. He wasn't angry at Lavi or something, he just didn't feel like being energetic. Not even towards his boyfriend. ''I guess I forgot doing so... and yes, I didn't get much sleep. I'll be fine, though, don't worry,'' Allen said softly, trying to bring himself to smile brighter. Lavi dropped his grin, a small frown present on his face.

''It seems you haven't slept in days, are you sure something ain't wrong?''

''Lavi, I said I'm fine. You don't need to worry.''

''Well ya don't exactly look _fine_.''

''For the last time...''

''You look horrible. Maybe I could take you out toni-''

''J-Just leave me alone!'' The cursed teen snapped now, looking quite irritated. His nerves already were on edge due to the lack of sleep, and he didn't exactly appreciate Lavi's behaviour. Somewhere deep down he knew that his boyfriend was just trying to cheer him up, but Allen couldn't bring himself to keep up the act. 

Lavi looked at Allen with his visible eye widened, then took a step back. ''Fine. Ya know what? I've been trying to get you to talk, but it's obvious you won't. I'll just leave ya alone, if that's what you want so badly. I'm sorry for trying to help ya.'' The redhead sighed, showing quite an angry look and walking off.

***

The white-haired teen once again sat in his room, tears occasionally rolling over his cheeks. He felt even more horrible after what he did to his lover, but didn't dare to speak to Lavi for the day. Allen had tried to train for a bit, but his tiredness wouldn't let him, so he just went to his own safe room again. ''Why did I have to do that...'' He mumbled to himself, bringing his fist up to his forehead. The boy felt simply stupid for what he had done, but he was too afraid to do anything now, thinking he'd only ruin more.

The day passed by quite fast, Allen not having seen Lavi anymore since the small argument. He was probably with Bookman, Allen thought, maybe Lavi was doing his work for once. The white-haired teen didn't bother eating anymore that day, deciding to punish himself with that. He just sat there in the corner of his bed, his knees pulled to his chest. The only time Allen left his safe spot was when he got changed into his pyjamas, settling to sleep.

***

Once Allen fell asleep, another nightmare was already awaiting the poor boy. The unpleasant dream included his whole past in details. The beatings, the scoldings. the death of his adoptive father called Mana, the curse, everything. The scenery even switched to Nea, the so called 14th, who was taunting him with Allen's very own insecurities. The boy then saw Lavi standing in front of him, scolding him for his previous behaviour towards his boyfriend. He shot up from his sleep, panting softly as he looked around the room in shock. Allen let out a deep sigh and felt his face dripping with sweat, his right hand moving to wipe it off. ''Just another one, huh...''

The teen stood up and walked to the local bathroom, washing his face with cold water to wake himself. He then stared at the mirror for a moment, watching his cursed features. The snow-white hair, the big red scar across his left eye, and not to forget his left, red arm. _''Why me...?''_ He whispered to himself once again. ''Why did this all happen to me? Am I just not allowed to live peacefully? Is it all my fault..?''

Allen walked out of the bathroom slowly, his head looking down. He felt guilty for what he had done to Lavi, not able to let it go. The white-haired teen made his way to Lavi's room. He decided to apologise, and explain what was all bothering him so much.

***

As soon as Allen arrived at Lavi's room, he opened the door slowly. It was around midnight, so he didn't expect Lavi to be awake. Yet, much to Allen's surprise, Lavi was staring at the ceiling, his arms behind his head. The redhead looked up at the cursed boy in surprise, not expecting him here. ''Allen..?'' He asked, noticing the boy had been crying.

''I... I wanted to apologise,'' Allen shifted a bit on his spot, not walking further into Lavi's room, though.

''You don't need to... I totally reacted the wrong way, too. So I should be apologi-''

''That's not true! You only wanted to cheer me up, and I reacted like an asshole. I'm really sorry, Lavi!'' The white-haired boy bowed his head politely, as to say sorry again.

''Allen...'' Lavi mumbled, looking a bit sad. He then opened his arms invitingly, surprising Allen even more. ''C'mere.''

The white-haired teen slowly closed the door behind him and walked over, moving into Lavi's bed. The redhead pulled the smaller male on his tanned chest immediately, missing the feeling of having Allen close. ''Now, won't ya tell me what's bothering you? You can really tell me anythin', Allen!''

The boy sighed softly, but finally chuckled a bit at the way Lavi talked. He then started explaining everything that had happened to him these days. The nightmares, the lack of sleep, his insecurities, his emotional outbreaks, he told it all to his lover. Lavi was stroking his white hair slowly in attempt to keep him somewhat calm, being quite surprised to hear all that happened to Allen. However, Allen couldn't help starting to cry, clinging to Lavi's clothes. He buried his face in the crook of the redhead's neck as he let all of his frustrations out, tears continuously leaving his eyes. ''I'm so sorry, Lavi..!''

Lavi hummed soothingly in response, one hand still stroking Allen's hair as the other rubbed his back. ''Shh, it will all be okay... I'm here for you now.'' The redhead kept whispering sweet nothings, making Allen calm down eventually. He sobbed a few more times, then moved his head up a bit to wipe his wet eyes and cheeks. The boy then hugged Lavi tightly, clinging to his chest sweetly. ''I... I love you, Lavi. I really do...'' Allen whispered in a soft voice, showing a small blush. Even Lavi blushed slightly in response, loving to hear that from his boyfriend. 

Allen moved a bit higher, his face inches apart from Lavi's. The redhead didn't need any more signs to get the hint. The white-haired teen closed the gap and pressed his lips against Lavi's, kissing the other softly. Lavi kissed back almost immediately, enjoying the feeling a lot. Allen really did his best to make it feel good, yet kept it loving and innocent. He then pulled back, resting his head on Lavi's chest.

''Just go to sleep now, Allen. I'll be here to soothe you, promise!''

''I-Is that really alright?''

''Of course! Just sleep here every night from now on. Besides, I'll kidnap ya if necessary.''

Allen chuckled softly, nuzzling Lavi's chest slowly. ''Fine, you idiot...''

'' _Your_ idiot,'' Lavi corrected.

Just like that, Allen fell into a deep sleep, Lavi keeping his arms around the boy to keep him on his chest.

''I love you too, Allen.''


End file.
